Guest Post: Ten Things Not To Say When You Open Your Christmas Gifts by Claire Sandy

Today it's the final stop on the Snowed in for Christmas blog tour and it's my pleasure to welcome Claire Sandy with an hilarious guest post about what NOT to say when you're opening your Christmas presents from your family.  

In my family there's a Christmas tradition that we open our presents in a circle, taking it in turns. In other words, in my family there's a Christmas tradition that we more or less ruin Christmas by the time my Mother in Law breaks out the bin bags to hustle away the discarded wrapping paper. This fraught hour, full of synthetic joy about supermarket talc sets, has taught me (the hard way) how to receive Christmas presents. Here are the wrong responses, the things you must not say.

1 "Did you keep the receipt?"
The receipt doesn't matter. You'll forget to take it back and that novelty cheese board/Daniel O'Donnell DVD/spatula will rot slowly under the stairs until it gets thrown out. So just smile, hold it to your chest and vow to buy the giver something equally naff next year.

2 "It's just what I always wanted!"
Now is not the time for sarcasm. Unless it's the Koh-i-Noor diamond or a new bottom, don't use this line. It's plain OTT for the ironing board cover your second cousin 'sourced' for you. Just smile and say thank you. Now, that wasn't hard, was it?

3 "It's not my size."
Nobody gets the right size anything at Christmas. This is the time of year when you realise your mother thinks your waistband is hippo-sized but your feet are borrowed from an elf. Just gamely put it on and fold up the cuffs and ignore the screaming agony of your toes and thank God nobody bought you a bra.

4 "I already have this."
Christmas morning brings about a chorus of this refrain, but hold back. Isn't it nice that your dotty aunt remembers you like Harry Potter? So what if she didn't follow that line of thought and realise that if you like Harry Potter that much you probably already own all the Harry Potter books. She's trying her best, as are you, and  you're both  half-cut on sherry so just gush.

Guest Book Review: Claire Sandy: A Very Big House in the Country

Reviewed by Emma Crowley 

'Holidays are about surviving the gaps between one meal and another.'

For one long hot summer in Devon, three families are sharing one very big house in the country. The Herreras: made up of two tired parents, three grumbling children and one promiscuous dog; the Littles: he's loaded (despite two divorces and five kids), she's gorgeous, but maybe the equation for a truly happy marriage is a bit more complicated than that; and the Browns, who seem oddly jumpy around people, but especially each other.

By the pool, new friendships blossom; at the Aga door, resentments begin to simmer. Secret crushes are formed and secret cigarettes cadged by the teens, as the adults loosen their inhibitions with litres of white wine and start to get perhaps a little too honest ...

Mother hen to all, Evie Herreras has a life-changing announcement to make, one that could rock the foundations of her family. But will someone else beat her to it?

Amazon links: Kindle or Paperback 

Guest Post: True response to 'How would you describe a typical writer's day?' by Claire Sandy

Today I'm taking part in the What Would Mary Berry Do? blog tour and am thrilled to welcome author Claire Sandy with an entertaining account to the question I'm often guilty of asking, How would you describe a typical writer's day?

The first thing you need to know about novelists is that we're all liars. 

Why do you look so surprised? After all, novels are just great big lies; it's all made up! All  one hundred and twenty thousand words of it! It never happened.

Obviously, most of the time we use our powers for good; we write books that, hopefully, amuse, move and intrigue our readers. But the other time we lie is when we're asked that perennial question: "How would you describe a typical writer's day?"

Firstly, there's no such thing. For anybody. Even when I had a 9-5 job every day was subtly different. And secondly, writers can't tell the truth about this. Because it would entail telling you all the stuff we do to avoid writing.